Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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