I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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