UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
