i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
