Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
