Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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