I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
