even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
