one two three fourrrrnication!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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