Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
