is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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