that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
