I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
