i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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