New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
