I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
