I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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