I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
