I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
