I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
