I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
