Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
