I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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