Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
