omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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