My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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