i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
either way he was missing a nipple.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
