My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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