i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
