I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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