My cat gives me a boner
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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