In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
