i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
