Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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