Well douche your snatch and let's go!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
