If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
