I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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