Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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