DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
