I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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