Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
