So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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