I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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