i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
