I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
