I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I touched a dick in church today
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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