I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This baby is an asshole
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
