Someone shit on the floor
the condom got lost in my hair
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
