i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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