Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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