Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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