mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
