singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
